I Hope You Dance

It was late...perhaps the time could be counted as early.  My mind would not rest though.  There be times in which I over think and must find a way to process the thoughts into something that I am able to work with.  That way I can get them out in a more suitable context that just getting flustered and not speaking at all.  I know they will listen but I feel a fool to speak most days, even though most of my ideas have been accepted, used and very much appreciated.  I still feel stupid, so therefor watch my words.  Except with my mate.  I could sprout a line of gibberish and he would listen, understand and help.  Being the hour it is, I know it be safe to pad down the stairs and no one notice me.  

In movements that were light enough not to make a sound I made my way to the music room.  In most music rooms there is not much space to really hold the band, but the magnitude of instruments and the number of family members who played made it necessary for the room to be of a fairly large size.  It also had enough space to act as a dance studio as we also have a couple dance instructors and a host of dancers.

My philosophy is that life is a dance.  Everyone has their own beats and their own rhythm.  In all the worlds I have visited, dance is part of common life though most people don't see how they move to rhythms.  Even the large metal things called cars have their own version of dance.  They move in elegant patterns and if one is out of time then they lose the dance and hit each other.  I have a fondness for the dance clubs of these worlds, we do not have anything of the sort where I am from...perhaps we do, but I have never found it. The loud thumping of the beat would sometimes cause me a headache but for that night I was able to loose myself into a crowd and into a beat.  A rhythm of vibrant life all around me where people just let their bodies move.  I have gained…dance partners at these but they typically only want to rub their self upon me.  Most flee when in the dim lights when I turn glowing eyes upon them and curl a lip…fangs and glowing eyes tend to scare beings not used to the unusual…

I would like to go with Rylen once… I do not know how he would handle it though…

In my life, I have learned to alter my rhythm and beat to suit those around me. That way there would be less rubbing people the wrong way or tripping over each other.  Though our home contains some of the most graceful beings that I have ever met, their bodies move in such difficult and complex patterns with a simple elegance and grace.  A fluidity to their forms that is like liquid move beneath their skin instead of bone and muscle.  They also tweaked their rhythms to suit those about them, they are respectful in any way they can be.

Dance was also one of the few things I know I did perfectly.  One of the few things I found confidence in in my life.

I was dancing before I was able to walk, moving my arms and wiggling my bottom to beats the best I could.  I remember often being lifted and danced around a room in someone's arms in a way to make me happy.  When I was able to do it on my own, then I would be twirled about a room or sometimes offered feet to stand on while they danced with me.  My partner growing up was often my younger brother, we learned to dance together and are amazing at it, but we do not truly mesh.  His rhythm is like mine but not the same.  His dance partner is his Sylph, they move fluidly in life and although he has never asked her to really dance with him I know they will partner well.  She is in for a surprise when she learns what he can really do. As I grew, I was taught the more elegant arts of dance.  It often became a source of peace, a time to find calm.

So to not disturb anyone with music, I began to move to the songs in my mind.  I let my body move how it wished, knowing in my heart that I was moving in all the right ways.  For some reason the songs in my head all lent to ballet so I easily twirled about the room.

Our family has many grand dancers.  Many of whom have actually performed upon stage.  I have danced my whole life in ballrooms, on my own but very rarely have I actually danced for show and when I have it is for only a few short moves.  I know the excitement the other dancers create... I doubt I would stir their excitement as much.  I know I fear dancing before a crowd, I haven't the heart to feel the double edged complaments.  Where the whispers say I am beautiful and graceful, move like a dream…

…Too bad I am a mixed breed…

That does not bother me though on most days, I just don't wish to ruin the emotional bliss I find in dance.  I only find this peace any other time when in Rylen's arms.  To dance is a special time I can reconnect with myself, in Rylen's arms we connect to each other.  Both important to my life, more so for me to be with him but I know I need to let myself find myself.  And he is gently encouraging me to do so…after so long of a time being in a state of numbness I am learning who I am again.

So I shall continue to keep my dancing private.  Even Rylen has not seen me truly dance.  Be silly, dance about the kitchen.  Dance with him.  Ballroom dance.  All of that but not let myself go to spin about a room.  I wonder sometimes what he would say…what his reactions would be.  Would he find disappointment with me as well?  Would I not be as great as I thought I was?  Would I be able to entice him?  I mean, there are dances meant to excite people but would I be able to excite him if I was simply doing ballet, tap, step dancing?  Or would I have to be naked for him to want to watch?

Of course he would find me enticing and sexy no matter what.  He would watch me in whatever I did…but I want to catch his attention because of a skill too.  It's wonderful to know I have someone interested and in love with me for me.  Down to the core, just with me and who I am.  Why do I worry?

Probably because he is handsome, kind, loving, protective, sweet, intelligent, thoughtful, older than me, powerful, just…he's everything.  I want to be enough for him…

His body is muscular and powerful and his movements are tender.  His thighs are badly scarred and cause him a lot of pain yet he moves silently, sometimes it is with the grace of a large predator at other times it is with all the majesty of a seasoned dancer.  Just a symphony of motion that comes together to create something mesmerizing but so augustly simple…

Rylen towers over me in height.  His legs so much longer than my own but when he takes me into his strong arms and we dance together…neither of us compromise.  Our bodies just move together as one.  We have created a stir at parties before, the way our two forms move together about a ballroom.  I often wonder would we move the same way in dances that are not meant for the gentry?  Would our hips move in time with a faster timed song?

As my mind moved to faster music I changed my dance.  In…visits... to my tribe I have watched their dance and learned to repeat their moves, Pappy has shown me some of the more difficult ones that I was unable to catch how they were performed.  Sometimes pain made me miss things.  There was always multiple beats in traditional music.  The hips and legs would move to one beat in often wild looking and exaggerated moves while the arms moved to another beat.  It created a mesmerizing and intricate dance with the full body.

And so for an hour or two I just let myself move.  Until large hands gently rested upon my hips and I could feel the movement of someone joining my moves.  His touch so familiar to my body I knew the moment his hands rested upon me who joined me in dance.  Opening my eyes I looked into his amethyst ones and our dance continued.

Smooth.  Flawless.  Perfect.  Beautiful.

Never have we practiced together but our shared hearts and our shared souls made our rhythms perfect for each other.  His soft smile brought upon one of my own.  I felt at peace and able to think…I felt whole and the pieces to the puzzles of my mind clicked easier with him near and moving with me.  I found my peace.